Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
