i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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