Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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