Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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