i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
