Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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