9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
