i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
