The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize