his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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