Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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