i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
