Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
