Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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