If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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