And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i love accidental penises.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
