Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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