i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
