Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize