Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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