no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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