Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
