Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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