I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize