Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
