Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
