That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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