As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
