I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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