I want to make a zoo with you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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