TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
zippers are such a cool invention
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
