Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
