if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
