I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize