The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
barbara walters just said penis...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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