Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Randomize
