Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
