found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
