Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
