census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
