I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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