I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
