I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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