I feel great
I just peed on a car
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We are two peas in an std pod
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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