Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
