and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
