Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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