got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
