How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
