we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
