Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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