There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize