I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
