1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
