Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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