i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
