What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
