Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
