Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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