I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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