I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
