She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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