i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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