I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
