woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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