I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
