I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
