I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
