wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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