Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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